A B C D E F G H I gotta gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracude, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo

A B C D E F G H I gotta 'friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo

He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo

She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild'
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo